I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
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I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
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We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
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