i jhust puked up my retainher.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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