he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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