I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
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I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
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He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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