That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
