I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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