I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
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My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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