Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize