I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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