Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
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No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
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In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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