Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
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I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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