soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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