I like my sex mixed with concussions.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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