So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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