So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
