I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
