last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize