the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
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Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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