You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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