dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
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Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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