Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
