So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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