Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize