he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize