Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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