I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize