time to smoke my breakfast
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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