i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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