so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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