Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize