At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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