Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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