dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
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Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
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