i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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