He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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