Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Your cock deserves a montage
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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