Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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