Slut skills are useful in every country.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
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I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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