DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
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You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
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By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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