You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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