I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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