ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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