it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
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It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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