My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize