I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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