i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize