my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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