and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize