I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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