when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
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I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
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Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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