break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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